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Heard a good joke lately?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by TriggerMN, May 3, 2016.

  1. TriggerMN

    TriggerMN
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    My mother always told me there was one idiot on every bus.

    I couldn't find him.
     
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  2. VEGASBJ

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    Vegas related joke -

    A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags and asks her where she's going.

    "To Las Vegas. I found out there are men who will pay me $400 to do what I do to you for free."

    The man started packing his bags. "Where are you going?" she asked.

    "I'm going to Las Vegas with you. I want to see how you'll live on $800 a year."
     
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  3. gmille58

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    Not a new joke, but I remember it every time the lottery gets up past FU money.

    This guy runs home and bursts in yelling, "Pack your bags honey, I just won
    the lottery!"
    She says, "Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?"
    He replies, "I don't care...Just get the f**k out!"
     
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  4. Hobofrank

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    old Buddy Hacket Joke from a Catskills show in early 80's...

    guy gets on and elevator from casino floor in Vegas... arguing married couple gets on before him..

    husband: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST $300????"
    WIFE: " SHUT UP!, you lost $3000!!!"
    husband: " YEAH BUT I KNOW HOW TO GAMBLE!!!"
     
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  5. Spookster

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    Apologies in advance to the religious bunch.

    What's the difference between a prayer in church and a prayer in a casino?

    In a casino, you really mean it.

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    And a short story:

    A man is coming home from work when a bum asks him for a dollar.
    The man says, “Will you buy booze?”
    The bum says, “No.”
    The man says, “Will you gamble it away?”
    The bum says, “No.”

    So the man says, “Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?”
     
    #5 May 12, 2016
    Last edited: May 12, 2016

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